Going Up, Going Down
by Iamawitch
Summary: So I'm saving all my love for you.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Mad Men, only my imagination.

**A/N: **This is my very first attempt on writing a Mad Men fanfic. Critics are highly appreciated.

* * *

I cried.

For the first time, for as long as I could remember, I cried.

0 0 0

It was a Sunday morning when I first met him.

There was nothing romantic about it, we met in an elevator.

We were trapped.

By the time we went out, it was already noon.

He was in a hurry that day. He politely declined the officers' offer for a body check and rushed towards the door, only to look back to thank me for giving him such a pleasant morning.

I dazedly waved back, and he was gone.

We'd talked. We'd talked about too many things.

I couldn't remember the details anymore, or at least, I didn't dare to remember them.

All I could recall was sitting on the floor, feeling his presence right beside me. It was pitch black, I couldn't even see. His voice was my only comfort, my only guide to stay away from the dark.

From then on, it seemed that he was always around. Logic told me it was just a coincidence, after all, we worked in the same district. But my heart told me a different story: it told me that my eyes were searching for him. Perhaps he has always been there; it was only until now did I start gluing my eyes on him. Sometimes, I found myself purposely waiting to go onto that elevator, hoping to catch him again.

0 0 0

He told me he has chosen her over me.

Why, I asked him.

Because he knew that I would stay strong, but she would need him by her side.

I cried.

0 0 0

The second time we met, it was in an elevator.

When the door opened, I couldn't believe my eyes.

_He was there. _

He lifted up his head.

_It was that same smile, those same eyes. _

But most importantly, he greeted me with that velvet voice that I've been hearing in my dreams for so

many times.

This time around, he was free.

He said he owed me for being such a good companion to him that morning, and he invited me to coffee.

I was surprised, but gladly, I accepted.

0 0 0

Never have I thought that I would get involved with a married man.

Never have I thought that being strong would be the reason for a heartbreak.

0 0 0

I could only say that it was fate that brought us together.

Since that day, we shared many a times on an elevator ride.

Only that, they were all romantic occasions.

It was like an explosion, seeing the new world for the very first time.

_Only that, they were nothing but a beautiful lie._

0 0 0

Single he told me, oh no. Not only was he married, he had two kids.

No wonder he was always on a trip to visit his relatives during those special dates.

I thought he was merely being dutiful to his parents living from afar, and I encouraged him to do it.

But no, he's visiting a family of his own.

Yes, it all made sense now.

0 0 0

The day when I found out, it was in an elevator.

_They were cuddling, him and a woman._

I was stuck at the spot.

When I didn't come in, they broke apart and he raised his head.

_It was those same eyes._

But this time, in this déjà vu, there wasn't a smile.

0 0 0

My friends told me to find a man of my own.

But each time I tried, I just couldn't help but think of him.

He asked me to be patient.

Sooner or later, he would file for a divorce.

_But how long was a little bit longer? _

He didn't have an answer.

0 0 0

The secret was out.

Just when the door was about to close, I stepped in.

I felt the tension looming over us.

But that woman didn't feel it. At all.

Her hands were still clinging to his neck, violating his body; her mouth pressing right beside his ear, probably whispering words that were sickeningly sweet.

I couldn't believe he would do this to me.

Saying how much he loved me while seeing another.

0 0 0

The last time I saw him in the elevator, I was about to put an end to this.

I could bear it no more.

To live with my own conscious every day, to feel the piercing stares from others, the pressure was building right upon my chest, tearing my life apart bit by bit.

And that was when he had the audacity to tell me that being strong was my weakness.

I felt like my heart would burst.

0 0 0

The phone rang for a long time.

I picked it up at last, the temptation was too hard to resist.

He said it was just a misunderstanding. For some reason, I believed him.

Our relationship lasted for a few more months.

_Until that Sunday morning._

0 0 0

They say you can fix a mirror if it's broken.

It's just that you can still see those cracks in the reflection.

0 0 0

Someone forcefully shoved me into the elevator.

_It was her._

She deliberately walked towards me with those eyes full of malice. I backed away until I was standing against the wall.

"You're not his first, you know. You're already the third girl that he had had an affair with ever since our marriage," she said, "If he can do it to me, to those two other girls, he can do it to you too. You may have him now, but he comes back to me every time. He knows the kids need him. And he them."

I was dumbfounded.

The doors opened, and there he was, leaning against the wall lazily.

She went out and kissed him right on the mouth.

He locked eyes with me.

The doors closed.

0 0 0

I cried. I slid down the wall and cried.

Ding. The elevator has reached the first floor.

I hugged myself into a ball.

"Take care," he said, "Thank you for giving me such a wonderful time, Midge."

I heard his footsteps fading away.

0 0 0

And I thought I was the one who's being cheated upon.

I've always despised those mistresses.

_How ironic._

I finally understood why people always say 'love is poison'. I thought it was only a metaphorical cliché.

The poison clogs up your veins and senses, and drowns you with lies and lust, until you can no longer see reasons and logic.

It turns you numb, it makes you blind.

Yes, that's how it feels when you're in love.

You know it's morally wrong, but you keep tagging along, hoping to claim that man all by yourself.

0 0 0

My world crumbled.

But then again, was it worthwhile to let myself bleed to death for such an unworthy man?

No, I was grown to fight back.

And by that, I needed to be strong.

From far away, I heard a man asking, "Are you okay, miss?"

I glanced at him and forced a smile.

From his reaction, I must have misjudged.

I wiped away the tears, not giving a care in the world what I looked like with all the smeared make-up on.

And gingerly, I stood up.

I stood up with the grace, the confidence, and the dignity that were all flowing back into this shell.

For the first time in this past year, I felt whole again.

I flicked my hair back, straightened my outfit and walked away.

I walked away from this poignant memory.

This deceitful man.

And this damned elevator.

0 0 0

When people walk away from you, let them walk.

Don't try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring for you, coming to

see you, or staying attached to you. When people walk away, let them walk.

Your destiny isn't tied to anybody that left.

* * *

**A/N:** Thanks for reading, I hope you guys enjoy it.


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